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Portrait of the Man as a...

Roll your own epiphany. Or: On [Ordinary Object] and the [synonym for quiet] Art of Writing

We've all written this before: a quiet morning, a warm drink, a half-remembered thinker, and a sweeping conclusion about How We Live Now. I've certainly done so, especially when in my own finding myself phase, and delivered all life conclusions with total confidence. And like no research.

To save us all time, here it is as a game (its all games, really). Grab some dice and roll on each table, fill in the template, and publish.

How to Play

  1. Roll on each table below.
  2. Drop your results into The Template at the bottom.
  3. Add italics wherever it feels meaningful.
  4. Post it. Remember that proofreading is a form of capitalism.
Table 1: Title (d6)
  1. On [Ordinary Object] and the Quiet Art of Being
  2. Notes Toward a Slower [Noun]
  3. What the [Ordinary Object] Knows
  4. In Defense of [Mildly Unfashionable Thing]
  5. Against [Thing Everyone Already Dislikes]
  6. Some Thoughts I Had While Holding a Mug
Table 2: Setting (d8)
  1. Making coffee before anyone else was awake
  2. Waiting for the kettle, which I refuse to rush
  3. On a walk I will describe as a "wander"
  4. Staring out a window I will describe as "rain-streaked"
  5. In the shower, where all serious thought happens
  6. At a café, alone, on purpose
  7. Lying awake at 3 a.m., which I will mention twice
  8. Journaling, by hand, in a notebook I'll name-drop
Table 3: Lament (d8)

We've forgotten how to…

  1. Be bored
  2. Sit with discomfort
  3. Write letters
  4. Make things with our hands
  5. Get lost
  6. Listen (really listen)
  7. Do one thing at a time
  8. Simply be
Table 4: Villain (d6)

Somewhere between ___ and ___, we lost our way.

  1. The smartphone / the algorithm
  2. Notifications / the attention economy
  3. Productivity culture / the hustle
  4. The feed / the scroll
  5. "Content" / "engagement"
  6. The modern world / everything since about 2007
Table 5: Dead Philosopher (d8)
  1. Thoreau
  2. Seneca
  3. Marcus Aurelius
  4. Montaigne
  5. Heidegger (pronunciation uncertain)
  6. Kierkegaard
  7. Simone Weil
  8. "The Stoics," generally
Table 6: Credential (d8)

How you know about them:

  1. I read half of a book about this
  2. A friend who does yoga mentioned it
  3. I saw a quote on a mug
  4. A Substack I skimmed
  5. A podcast I listened to at 1.5x speed
  6. I had a feeling in the shower
  7. A YouTube essay, 47 minutes long, first 10 watched
  8. I haven't read them, but I've read about them, which I think counts
Table 7: A Wise Animal (d6)

Consider the…

  1. Heron
  2. Cat
  3. Crow
  4. Tortoise
  5. Oak tree (not an animal; don't care)
  6. Mushroom network, which is basically the internet but good
Table 8: The Epiphany (d12)
  1. Slowness is a radical act
  2. The old web was better, and so was I
  3. Paper notebooks are a form of resistance
  4. Boredom is where the magic lives
  5. My houseplant has taught me more than my degree
  6. Walking without headphones changed everything
  7. Productivity was the real distraction all along
  8. We are all just gardens, really
  9. I deleted an app and found myself
  10. Sourdough is a metaphor for community
  11. The best tools are the ones we don't use
  12. Writing this post was the epiphany
Table 9: Tiny Solution (d8)

Maybe the answer isn't big. Maybe it's…

  1. Folding laundry mindfully
  2. Watering the plants without my phone in the room
  3. Lighting a candle at dusk
  4. Eating one meal a day without a screen
  5. Writing in the margins of books
  6. Buying a record player
  7. Baking bread I won't finish
  8. Leaving the dishes (radically)
Table 10: A Closing Question (d6)
  1. What do you do when no one is watching?
  2. When did you last feel truly present?
  3. What would you make if no one could see it?
  4. Who were you before the internet?
  5. What are you rushing toward?
  6. Isn't that what it's all about, really?

The Template

[Table 1]

I was [Table 2] today when it struck me: we've forgotten how to [Table 3].

Not in the literal sense, of course. But somewhere between [Table 4], we lost the part that mattered.

I think about this a lot.

[Table 5] once said something like this. [Table 6].

Consider the [Table 7]. It doesn't scroll. It doesn't optimize. It simply is. And I realized: [Table 8].

Maybe the answer isn't a revolution. Maybe it's [Table 9].

I don't have the answers. I only have questions. And coffee, now cold.

[Table 10]

Scoring Key

Tally your finished post:

0–10: You may still be capable of doubt.

11–25: Promising. Buy a linen shirt.

26+: Thought leader. Please start a newsletter

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